Sometimes we all need help and it's hard to ask for it in the first place. I really feel down right now and I feel like no one understand where I'm at. I love Marilyn more than anything in this world and LOVE being a Mom again, but at the same time I'm absolutely terrified. I thought I was doing everything right with Taryn, and look what happened. I constantly question everything I'm doing now because I don't know what really is right. I just want the best outcome (which obviously is her surviving past 2 months and 22 days), but the constant questioning of my abilities as a mother and if I'm doing everything right is just eating at me. John keeps telling me "you have to believe you can do it," but if I'm not getting the support I need how can I do that? It's emotionally exhausting and I just don't know what to do right now.
I guess one day, one hour, even one minute at a time is the way to go. Thank GOD for all the advice from our SIDS support group. I just am SO exhausted right now and feel like I'm not really truely enjoying the time I have with her because I'm constantly worried. I need to slow down and relax... then maybe the pieces will fall into place.
On a happier note... Marilyn and I put up the fall decorations yesterday!! I just have a few more Mums to pot and we'll be set for the season! LOVE LOVE LOVE this time of year!
